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Questions about Guardian Ad Litem 

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Post # 0000053a
Guardian Ad Litem
From: angryatthwrld
Remote Name: 24.250.53.246

Comments
Has anyone had the pleasure of dealing with a guardian ad litem? I was told they are there for protection of the childs rights, but am looking for the real life experiences before we push for this in court. It sounds like it's meant for the kids, but I dont believe in a drive by evaluation of my life and household and asking the kid 2 questions and assuming they are fine. Is this person going to help or hurt our case if we persue this issue. I know her mom has a way of prettying up the picture when all eyes are on her, but shortly after mom feels safe, she comes out of her shell again. I'm wondering if the guardian ad litem will commit to the time it takes to get to know each party and see the alienation that occurs, or are they gonna do a fly by recon mission and make a judgment on that? The child psychologist made his judgment after only 4 visits, 1 with my husband alone, 1 with the ex alone, then 1 with her family group, and 1 with ours. Each only 1 hour, minus the paperwork, Psychological/ Behavioral written tests, etc. I think they need to allow somebody to live with you, or go on pickups when the kids really chat in the car, or should be there when you wait an hour for the kids to show, and they dont with no phone call as to there whereabouts. They need to look at the long term harassment and wishy washy standards moms set on dads when they want their way. Today this is OK, tommorow I want it this way. Dad smokes, that's horrible, Mom's new husband smokes, it's just fine. Oh, and many a time mom borrowed a cig from dad just to get closer to him because his fiance was there. Each pick up is a challenge and nothing is ever routine, except the dad bashing. That is what they DON"T see! They dont know the kid isn't allowed to mention dad in the house, or that all things dad are BAD so they arent to be discussed, not even fathers day. They dont know that this is the 4th promise of a pet and that the promise is renegged as soon as court ends. They dont know that mom doesnt answer the phone when dad calls, they dont know that when they do answer the phone in a rushed fog, they lie and say the kid is asleep, no matter what the time of day, or that she's out, even late into the eves on school nights. They dont hear a child crying on the phone because she refuses to eat and just wants to see mommy, after all, she lives with mommy, why does she miss her so much that she wont eat?!!! They dont hear mom telling child all the wonderful things she's gonna miss that weekend and it's too bad she has to go to dads. They dont know that the child only resents her dad for taking her because mom enticed her with all kinds of prospects for fun. Things you dont promise or even tell the kid about when you know they cant make it, but hey, make dad the bad guy and put him on spot to say NO when you could full well not Tell the child about all the things going on that they may be missing if they're at dads. They dont see that mom manipulates the childs intelligence into confusion by argueing with her that it's NOT dads weekend, knowing full well that it is and she's playing her usual "Keep child from daddy" game! They say, "If she makes it up, then it's like it never happened. So, that's what she does, forget the needless worry about the childs whereabouts because mom always threatens dad with "You'll never see your daughter again" and tells child "Dont worry, someday you and I will move so far away and we wont have to see him anymore", forget the anger, anxiety and worry dad feels wondering all weekend, and disregard the time wasted going to pick her up when mom knew full well she wouldn't be there, 1/2 hr to get there since mom NEVER shares the custodial visitation drive, 1 hour of waiting because maybe they're running late and we are a few minutes early, and if mom shows after we leave then she'll refuse to drive and we'll be forced to return after needless driving home and back, then the sound of noise in the house by 17 yr old son, wondering if he's restraining daughter inside, as has been done before, and finally realizing he's playing with our heads, then 1/2 hour ride home with a 15 min. stop at the police station asking them to stop by to ensure daughter isn't being held against her will and that in fact she isn't home only to be told it's a civil matter and take it up with your lawyer, but HEY, we'll put it in our report! That's 2hours and 45 minutes of just one night, just one instance of a visitation gone wrong, and just one more annoyance in our lives that we dont need. That's almost 3 hours of our lives we cant get back, 3 days of worry, 3 sleepless nights, several phone calls, a visit to the lawyer, and all to set us up for next weekend, when it's time to MAKE UP the time we didn't get, and We'll be forced to make another journey to pick her up, in hopes she'll be there, even though MOM should have to do it since she's the one who blew us off, MOM Suffers absolutely NO ramifications for her behavior, only allowing for it to happen again! Is the guardian Ad Litem gonna sit through that, or are we just setting ourselves up for another fly by eval by the revered social services?    (Last changed: February 26, 2006)

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REPLIES:

Post # 0000053b
Re: Guardian Ad Litem
From: legalez@justice.com
Remote Name: 64.219.197.134

Comments
I came to this site because no one seemed to understand. I see that you understand my pain all too well. Others, including Guardian Ad Litems don't want to understand. They go through training in Harris County and PAS is maybe 1% covered. If they have never experienced it, they don't get it. There is only one case in Texas law quoting Gardner from 1992 and it was controversial. My only suggestion is to find someway to reorient yourself from the anger you feel. Frankly, I don't know how you can live with this if you don't see a bigger perspective - sometimes only a God point of view and lots of faith will sustain you. What I mean is that if you continue to have clean hands, then injustice will, after many seeming days, months, years, decades when there is no consequence, not prevail. You seem like you want to be a good daddy. You must find joy in the small things. Your effort is noticed by yourself. Rejoice in that. If any one else notices, that is a bonus. Your job for the child when there is PAS is not to complain to Mom but document, document, document. Then when the Guardian Ad Litem [gal] give you a chance to speak to them, present it. The gal is going to have the ear of the judge. If they are aware of pas, they can make a differnce in your favor -- go for custody, it is the only way to keep from being a victim. If you don't want custody, then get used to it and document, document, document.  (Last changed: February 26, 2006 )

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Post #  0000056f
Re: Guardian Ad Litem
From: angryatthwrld
Remote Name: 68.14.90.78

Comments
we write, it's hardly looked at. We stay in touch with school, they give us hassle because mom has primary custody, regardless of all the court papers etc. My husband called today to remind them, as he does every wednesday, that it's his day and put her in the walkers line, yet the secretary treated him with disrespect telling him to submit a letter, he then replied, I DID. She said "the court order states every other weekend" to which he replied, Read it again, I have Wednesdays too. She then said, I have to call her mother, he said NO you dont, it's my day to see her, and it's been preestablished that I will pick her up at school to avoid incident." Fact of the matter is, nothing, not even picking up his daughter goes smoothly without some under paid, lower than life scumbag judging you about picking up your own kid!!! It's like going to the mall and being followed by security as though you're a thief. You tend to feel guilty for doing nothing wrong!!! We do have her in counseling, mom was invited to attend, lawyers request. Shes been shopping again. Moms preemptive attempts to regain daughters approval after the fact. The school counselor is aware of her situation as well, and has been speaking to the girl 3 x a week (with some hope, that was the childs request to meet with the school counselor). The counselor sees the situation for what it's worth, but, Murphys law, she's retiring in November, and the RI court system wont recognize her as a professional, because they didn't recognize the LCSW we hired originally. This time we hired the court approved Psych, and mom immediately changed tune, thinking it had to do with court, yet clueless as she is, its' not about court, it's about a little girl. Maybe longterm this guy will see her for face value, and maybe the courts will. He did little to help our case on his court appointed 60 minute eval of the situation, we're just hoping he sees the long term effect of moms games and neglect if we keep her visiting him on thee regular. Everyone else caught on, but they arent 'recognized'. And if nothing else, if mom so chooses to maintain her facade while child is in counseling, then AT THE VERY LEAST, the child is finally getting some attention from her mother!!!, but if mom fails to maintain a facade, the psych will see that too. Either way, if going to court, and putting mom against the ropes will get her to acknowledge her daughter in a positive way, then I'll be glad to have her in court day after day after day. At least child gets what she's been craving for so long, MOMMY's Love. She'll figure out when she's old enough that it was all a farse, that she got nothing more than gifts to regain her trust all those years. Material things that will wear and disappear in time. Heck, Mr. Hampster is already gone, after 2 mos. Just disappeared, no replacement and no apparent concern. He's just gone, as with everything else she ever received, it just got lost, it disappeared, it had to be returned, it was given to a cousin. Even the child has learned that things come and go, and has learned to live with loss by showing NO emotion about it. Not one buy out gift ever remained in her home beyond said court date. Once court is over and mommy has won, all promises, all material things, all of everything is back to the back burner and all hope is once again crushed. Yet, child falls for it every time, and the psych was fooled by this childs false hope of a great mom. I've been watching this manipulation for 2 years. I'm the one who hears things like, "I didn't do my homework, and mom said it's the teachesrs fault because he isn't supposed to give homework on weekends!" Or, "I dont want to eat, Mama's home and I just want to sit by mama" as she cries hysterically on the phone. Or, "Mommy was telling Rachel lies about you and I said 'That's not true' so she slapped me". Or "Becka locked me in the closet because she had to watch me, and when I told mom and Donna (Beckas mom), they didn't believe me." etc etc. Till court, then suddenly it's "Mom and me had ice cream sundaes in bed the othr night" Mom took me shopping Monday *school day before the psych appt! Or, mom says you only want me to see the counselor because you want to take me away from her. Oh, even better, "Mom said you're using reverse psychology on me!" Yeah, go figure. The master of lies and excuses teaching a child about reverse psychology, her very antics for manipulation on her own daughter used to create more animosity toward daddy. sorry, I'm fed up and in a hopeless lull here. 'angry'  (Last changed: February 26, 2006)

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Post #  00000540
guardian ad litem
From: angryatthwrld
Remote Name: 24.250.53.246


Comments
We did go for custody, in Feb this year, after we had temp cust due to an ex parte order filed against mom for leaving state for 5 days and leaving child with her older brother alone. We had already been taking her to counseling, so we used that to enforce the case as well. After the ex parte was fought, and mom was sent home with a strict reprimand from the judge, custody was returned to mom who then initiated the "new Rules of the house". You dont go anywhere, not even with daddy unless I'm here, you dont call daddy, you dont answer the phone, etc etc. Big brother became the enforcer of these rules. He was 17 at the time. On our next visitation, this influence over her children came to a head when she wasn't home on time for our pickup and the brother physically restrained my stepdaughter in her room until mom arrived. We waited 25 minutes, 15 before mom arrived, then 10 more. I told my husband something was wrong, I suspected something like the brother hid her shoes. The entire time we waited in the car, wondering. Finally she came out, with mom (NOT the norm), and mom carried her bag and put it in the back of the truck (Also not the norm). It wasn't until counseling the next day (we have her there every other week) that we discovered the truth of the matter and what really happened. We were infuriated that we were right outside and knew nothing, infuriated that mom made her wait 10 minutes to calm down because daddy might suspect something had happened, and that mom told her to stop crying and go rinse your face with cold water, you arent going out there until you calm down. She drew a picture for the counselor that depicted her holding the doorway to her room, and her brother holding her feet. She's a tough kid, and probably put up a big fight. The entire time, we were outside and unaware. I would have kicked down the door, had I any idea of the situation. See, it was previously agreed months prior, that we dont go to the door, we ddont even pick her up without a witness because of false allegations. Since, we've always maintained distance. And the reason for this was proven the following week when we sought advice from our attorney and he told us that mom filed a complaint and restraining order on us. We had the counselor fax information over to the lawyer about the incident, and we were able to dismiss the restraining order immediately. The judge again warned mom, and that was the end of that. So the severity of our situation only came to light after the ex parte order and has only gotten worse. Because the courts keep sending her with mom, they are reenforcing that mom can do anything and her best defense is to please mom and not tell us anymore. The less conflict in her life, the better. Unfortunately, she's now a prisoner to her mothers wishes, no matter how much she's been taught not to lie, she'll lie for mom. No matter that she's too young to date, she's already making generalizations of men based on her mothers words. No matter how wrong the behaviors are, she is willing to cover them for mom. She's vying for less conflict at home, and mom's approval. A child in denial if you ask me. I grew up with an alcoholic, and confronting the problem only makes for some loud and uncontrollable outbursts of anger from the alcoholic. Her Mom may not be an alcoholic, but she's sick in her own fashion. If she defies mom, she has to deal with her anger. And if an untrained eye can see this, then why doesn't anyone else pick up on it? As I previously mentioned, she was crying one night when we called. It was 830 and mom just got home (her usual routine). Mom brought home fish and chips (3 adults live there, yet nobody prepares dinner for the 9 yr old), they leave it to mom for whenever she gets home. Anyway, she was refusing to eat because she just wanted to sit with mom, she missed mom, she wasn't gonna eat, she was just gonna sit with mom. She was throwing a tantrum about it when we called. I suspect her distraction is why they answered our call in the first place. I dont remember ever feeling that I'd rather give up dinner to see mom! I dont know anyone that has, but this is another red flag that goes unnoticed. This situation raises many questions, why hasn't she eaten by 830 on a school night (routine since we pick her up at 6PM for visitation 2 nights a week, and never has she eaten yet), and why is she so hard up for mom, since she lives with her and sees her 5 days out of 7, yet only sees dad for 2 and is content with that. Her time with dad is quality, as we make it a point to focus on her needs and wants. We have routine, we have discipline, and we still have fun in the interim. She has to beg her mom to play with her, when they go to stores, she's just toted along and she's never given the opportunity to express her own interests and ideas. We often conversate with her on current events, inventions she imagines up, books, school, etc. etc. At moms she has to eat at the table alone while the 3 adults sit in the living room watching tv. Mom bought her a new bike during the custody battle, it's now been 6 months and the cardboard mongoose sign is still in the spokes! She's craving moms attention, and mom knows that's how she'll maintain control. As soon as we go to court, it's suddenly ice cream sundaes, girls day out with manicures, pedicures, room makeovers, toys, etc. Its happened again and again. Nobody sees that or cares to because it doesnt violate the "written law", but it violates a law of principle. After ignoring a childs major emotional and medical needs for years, she jumps on the "Mommy wanna be bandwagon until court ends, then she's back to ignoring her needs. She holds her as collateral and that's not what motherhood is about. Her son just turned 18, he's from another man, and now that he's quit high school, been kicked out of job corps, and my stepdaughter is back to school, mom no longer has a need for the live in babysitting efforts of her son. He's no longer worth anything. His Child Support ended long ago. He can no longer be used as collateral, so all the loyalty he showed to mom, all the unethical behavior, all the lies, all the work he's done to keep this little girl from seeing dad in support of mom is now being rewarded with the BOOT. Her need for him is over, her support of him is over, he's 18, and being told to get out. The same happened with her eldest son from yet another man, and we fear it will happen to my husbands little girl. Both boys were treated the same way, and made to hate the men that helped create them. Mom taught them that DAD was evil after dad left her, and her daughter, being a girl, has a different demon to face. She generalizes about men, yet she hasn't even dated yet. MOM taught her sons bad lessons, which left them with no high school diploma, no father, and no responsibility for their own actions. Mom taught them all the wrong lessons, confusing right and wrong to suit her own needs. If daddy says homework is important, she says, it's not that big a deal and takes them shopping instead. Well, you ask any kid what they'd rather do and you'll see that sometimes getting what you wnat and getting what you need are two different things. HOMEWORK was always priority in my youth. She's twisted her childrens minds and manipulated them so harshly that right and wrong are always a challenge to them. I have written tons, and could go on. I admit to needing an outlet, and for now, this is it.   (Last changed: February 26, 2006)

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Post # 00000542
Re: Guardian Ad Litem
From: kc
Remote Name: 207.224.56.120


Comments
The latter. Based on my experience, keep your expectations for your GAD as low as possible, or you will end up disappointed. Sorry, but that it what has happened to me; big disappointment. He returns very few phone call (mine or my daughter's), waits until the last possible minute to visit and interview my daughter, and basically does a very cursory job at best of evaluating the situation. But don't worry, he gets his full fee, nonetheless. What a fantastic system we Americans have here to support our next generation, huh? kc  (Last changed: February 26, 2006)

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Post # 00000545
Re: Guardian Ad Litem
From: angryatthwrld
Remote Name: 24.250.54.197

Comments
Thanks for the tip. Figured as much. We are waiting on a court date 18 OCT. Filed contempt of court for her being away from child for a week without offering visitation during her absence. Now she's covering work records and denying it and we know she's changed them to suit her needs. She has friends who are wholly unaware of her antics and trust that they are protecting her for all the right reasons, but are sadly mistaken. Child ended up not seeing her mom for 3 weeks, and dad wasn't offered any of the time while she was away, and child was in care of others the entire time. Child then blamed dad for keeping her from mom because by the time mom was back around it was dads visitation weekend, and well, you know how dads rate against these kind of moms. Dad allowed her to stay with mom in exchange of a weekend later that month. Now mom is denying a trade and saying he gave it up when both of us were present for the bargain trade weekend. She denies all and is now filing bogus allegations against us both! It's her cover up defense of herself. It takes the focus off her just long enough to stir doubt on us. I'm going to have to start taping all conversations for evidence. This is sad. Really sick. I'm the stepmom who is so tired of all this soap opera mama drama. I dont know what else to do than run from all of them and hope amnesia takes effect.   (Last changed: February 26, 2006)

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Post # 00000565
Re: Guardian Ad Litem
From: waitingonjudgement
Remote Name: 68.89.229.180

Comments
legalez@justice is right - document document document. Tape conversations, request therapy for kids & family, have witnesses to p/u & d/o, communicate w/school directly and so on. Our gal thankfully did listen & kept in touch w/therapist regularly. we got recommendation for custody from gal & are now waiting (since 9/21/04) on final judgment from the court. good luck   (Last changed: February 26, 2006)

 

 

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