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Emotional Pain, Alienated Children Page 1

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Post #  000005cf
how do I handle the pain
From: jennherr@msn.com
Remote Name: 12.217.141.22

Comments
How do I deal with the pain of not seeing or being with my kids? My ex husband has my kids so brainwashed and I am so helpless to do anything. We live in the same town...about a mile apart and it kills me that my kids want nothing to do with me. Some of you may understand that when I say that the pain would be so much easier to take if there was a real reason for my kids not being with me. With that I mean that if they had been sent to the heaven above...I could more easily handle the pain that I feel everyday. It is so sad to have to look for my kids in the mall just to get a glance of them. Please tell me how some of you have dealt with this. Thanks. Jen   (Last changed: February 26, 2006)

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REPLIES:

Post # 000005d0
Re: how do I handle the pain
From: a mother of two daughters - grab an or lets row together
Remote Name: 150.142.239.53

Comments
i don't look to the mall for a glance, i just look at their pictures and cry.... why me? what have i done so wrong to deserve losing my children?? courts are no help either.  (Last changed: February 26, 2006 )

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Post #  000005d3
Re: how do I handle the pain
From: jennherr
Remote Name: 12.217.141.22

Comments
I have been dealing with this for almost 2 yrs now and the pain does not get easier. I don't understand how a child can treat their Mom like this....I know I have to listen to my therapist when she says that "it's not the kids, it their Dad"....she has told me she totally compares them to the Patty Hearst situation....how heartbreaking is that. I have missed my daughters first dances, the whole jr. high scenario and it really hurt when I got told from someone 1800 miles away that she had started her period.. How does everyone deal with this things? (Last changed: February 26, 2006)

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Post # 000005d4
Re: how do I handle the pain
From: snuz2luz
Remote Name: 64.12.116.197

Comments
The courts not only are no help, they actually help to keep the alienation going. I don't know how to deal with it.......after 3 years, I'm still treated like crap by the kids who used to tell me that I was the best mom in the world. They tell me that I'm the "safe" person. I'm tired of being safe, I want to be loved again by my kids. I know that they are hurting too and that makes it even worse. This group has been a life saver tho as others share their grief and I realize that I'm not alone.   (Last changed: February 26, 2006)

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Post #  000005d5
Re: how do I handle the pain
From: jenn
Remote Name: 12.217.141.22

Comments
Ya know, I do have to agree that the courts keep it going. It is sick. I also went from the best mom in the whole world to nothing. It makes for alot of sadness in us. Have you discovered**noncustodialmoms.com Try it...you'll like it.  (Last changed: February 26, 2006)

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Post #  000006f2
Re: how do I handle the pain
From: guard my angels
Remote Name: 209.33.17.140

Comments
please-poem god please help me , i can't take anymore . the pain inside feels like, it'll hurt for ever more. will it ever stop ' will it ever end .just give me a glance of the future within . i really need to know how this will all end . i know i don't pray like i should and i've done alot of bad things that i've asked for your forgiveness for. but there's one prayer that's been left unanwsered ? will i get to hold my girls once more , for ever after . i love and miss them so very much . to live the rest of my life without them , is just to much . all my life i've taken care of other people , not to have my girls is just plain evil . please help me god make it all stop. so i'll have laughter again and fell on top . a poem never seen and written 1/22/05 by r. thompson  (Last changed: February 26, 2006)  

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Post # 00000713  
Re: how do I handle the pain
From: Van C. Sher
Remote Name: 68.80.253.177

Comments
This may sound strange, but do something that makes the kids proud of you and they will realize you are good and seek you out, probably through a friend first to test the waters as they hate rejection.  (Last changed: February 26, 2006)  

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Post # 00000917
Re: how do I handle the pain
From: Rob from Ct
Remote Name: 64.12.117.10

Comments
Jenn, I know the pain. My son and I were so close that It made my wife extremly jealous, to the point that she use to say to the both of us that we were so close It was discusting! Now, I have been divorced for a year and I have not been able to take my son out since April of 2003, and that was when he had told me that his mom said that if he went out with me he was going against her wishes and letting me get away with everything.When I got my son home that night, she was at the top of the stairs outside and I watched him stand there, at the bottom of those stairs as she looked down at him and told him off for going with me.My son stood there and just crumpled down as he was diseplined for being with the person that he loved so much. My son has not said anything nice to me since then, if he even talks to me at all.I know the pain, and the State Of Ct let this well documented case go by without even noticeing it.Oh, it's just another divorce case thats hard on the kid, he will get over it!!(letters from him with her signing them),police records of her bringing him out all hours of the night searching for my truck and having him write nasty letters and placing them on it. Tapes of her dictating to him what to say to me. I had an attorney for him,the State of Ct Family Services man Steven Ness involved, another lady from child welfare, and in the very begining I had DCYF look into it because she was emotionally abuseing him to not want me in his life(telling him that I didn't love him because if i did i wouldn't have left him)is one of the many ways she abused him. DO you know what they told me? They told me that they could not prove any abuse because Emotional abuse doesn't show any scars! NO SCARS!!! He had gained 30 lbs in 2 months because he was withdrawn from all of his activities that he use to do, he was upset that his dad wanted to see him but his mother said that I was a no good son of a b! And I didn't want him.And his school grade were terrible. Yes Jenn, I know the pain of having your best friend tell you your a loser, an a-hole, (NOT MY FATHER),piece of crap!. You name it. From my little innocent boy of 9 at the time to an irate young man of 12 has this monster of a human being transfered my son into. And now that he has being treated for Lyme disease, and is having kidney function problems because of it, can't get out of bed and being very sick.it's been almost impossible just to get thru the day without breaking down numerous times knowing that my son needs me to help him get thru this and there isn't a damn thing i can do about it! I'm sorry to here your story Jenn, and I wish you the best of luck too. Can anyone direct me to someone in CT that GIVES A DAMN ABOUT MY SON AND NOT THE MONEY!!! Rob Cote. I can be reached at R1tankerman@aol.com..Thankyou and God Bless... Rob    (Last changed: February 26, 2006)  

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A related posting:

Post # 000005b4
Re: Great
From: mg
Remote Name: 68.134.1.153

Comments
I do really think that we all have to find a way to calm our sadness with a form of activism, like the A.C.L.U., except unique to this derangement. I can see how we all share the same burden of sadness and unjust and unprecipitated exile, and we all know it's got its roots in either emotional handicap, or pathetic, paranoid psychological need, so why follow a passive, suffering, patient course when we could bring some fire to this mess, and eventually win the recognition of our kids as challengers? If only I could think of a 90 million dollar ad campaign, I'd be moving right along....   (Last changed: February 26, 2006)  

 

 

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