Posts from former Discussion pages 

Letting Biological Dad see his Daughter,
 When Step-Dad has been "Daddy" all her life (and you still love your baby's daddy)

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Post # 00000689
MY DAUGHTERS BILOGICAL FATHER
From: crazylsoulmate@yahoo.com
Remote Name: 138.162.128.37

Comments
This is kinda hard to put this in short terms. My husband, me and my daughter's father are in the military. I was with my daughters dad for about 2 years and we kinda wasnt ready for marriage yet and when i was 2 months pregnant he went to one appt. with me. but he was seeing someone else at the time he would call and meet me in places like subway to discuss the baby. he would always get my emotions going because i loved him. and he would start the sparks back up while he was with this other woman. well a month later he married the girl. i tried to arrange to set up lunch with his wife, him, me and my husband now. To see what kind of person was going to be my daughters step mom. He refused. My husband and i got married in Jan04, he grew with our daughter, listened to her in my belly. unfortunately he was deployed while she was born. but is here now. About a month ago my daughters father called and said he would like to see her. my husband and i tried to discuss it but he said that until a blood test proves that our daughter is his, he shouldnt see her. We know that she is rob's but in my husbands heart she is his. Sometimes he looks at her and says she has my eyes, or she smiles just like me. He has actually grew to believe that she is bilocially his. We havent told any of his family and the only family i have told is my sister and 2 good friends just for advice. Now rob is wanting to at least see my daughter, my husband dont think its a good idea. and robs wife doesnt like me, (no reason besides i am his ex) so we were thinking maybe just arranging something between just him and me to see my daughter. but i tell my husband everything, except this and i dont know if i want to see him because i dont want to spark things up between us but i feel obligated to let him see his daughter. i am confused with my emotions and everything in between, everytime i think about him i have happy thoughts but my husband has been there for me as a friend and a wonderful father. But Rob still has a part of my heart i am actually scared that i may ruin a marriage by letting Rob see his daughter. I think it would make my husband feel less of a dad or me less of a wife, i was just enjoying my family life until he just called out of the blue and wanted to see our daughter and that phone call got me thinking all over again. please i need alot of advise....   (Last changed: February 26, 2006)

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REPLIES:

Post # 0000068c
Re: MY DAUGHTERS BILOGICAL FATHER
From: 
Remote Name: 66.176.145.183

Comments
I am always fighting with my daughters mother because she remarried while in the military and took our two year old to Belgium for three years. I in the mean time got a good job and made a home for myself. When I tried to get a hold of my daughter I found her mom made her call her husband "dad" and me by my first name. My daughter is now five and is realizing what her mom did. She tells me "why does my mom want me to call him dad". If your babies father is sincere he will have a relationship with your child weather you want him to or not. Don't confuse you child. Children are alot smarter than we think. The more you can explain to them the better.  (Last changed: February 26, 2006 )

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Post # 000006b9
Re: MY DAUGHTERS BILOGICAL FATHER
From: Common Sense talking to you!
Remote Name: 24.119.35.176

Comments
When I read your letter the first thing that comes to my attention...is the attention you are spending on your feelings for your ex. These feelings have been clearly 0NE sided. If your baby's daddy had any feelings for you at all he would of stopped dating the other woman when he found out that you were pregnant. Guys that have minimal feelings will do this, just to see if they have over looked anything, or try to work it out with the mother. He did not do this--- he MARRIED her. I am sure that she doesn't want to see you around a bunch because it sounds like you are a little obsessed. Now, you have an obligation for this little girl to know who her father is. She can have two daddy's that care for her just fine. Double the love. I may be wrong, but it seems like you came in to the relationship with your husband out of dependancy. He has taken care of you and your baby. But where is the romance? Take some time with him. Have a weekly date night. Not just a dinner and movie..DO things together, Like go to a pottery shop together, even if you are not artistically inclined. Take dance classes together. Find out if you can offer him the love that he IS worthy of. If you still find yourself wondering if the grass is greener, stop wasting his time. He sounds like quite the catch.  (Last changed: February 26, 2006)

 

 

 

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