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Miscellaneous Posts about Alienated Children and Parents Page 2

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Post #  000006a0
You think you have problems? Parent Alientation = Child Abuse
From: 
Remote Name: 62.253.64.18

Comments
Hi 6 Years ago by husband divorvced his previous wife and his children abruptly stopped coming on contact. He had a step-son, L, and a natural son, J. After a short time J was back having contact but L apparently said he didn't want to see his step-father any more. My husbands ex-wife alleged domestic violence and physical abuse against her and the children. We went to court and had a CAFCASS report which concluded there was little or no evidence of violence and recommended that contact should be re-instated gently but unfortunately this never happened. As both L's natural parents were pitched against L seeing my husband (despite the fact my husband had been Dad to L for 7 years). The Court ruled it was not in L's best interest to push the subject as he was clearly being placed under extreme pressure by the natural parents which was causing significant psycological problems for L. They had sympathy for my husband but it was ultimately concluded, that though it seemed likely mum was stopping L seeing my husband vindictively, that L would see his step-father of his own free will given time. 3/4 Years later this happened and L has been joining his younger brother, J , on contact for the last 18 months, every other weekend and nearly all holidays. L has became very close again to my husband. In January this year, L telephoned us at home and told us his mum had physically assaulted J. Things had been getting bad at home and there was evidence of neglect. Social Services asked us to look after J and L, but L decided he would rather remain with his mum, which was understandable. We have not seen L since however, and now L says he again does not want to see or speak to us. L also does not want to see J now. J remains in our care for now and is understandably nervous about contact with his mum who has frightened him. This is the most blatant abuse you could imagine. Mum is currently on Police bail for child abuse and L has changed his evidence to support mum. No family member has been able to see or speak to L. L has changed his mobile phone number and mum has changed her home number. It is likely the charges will be dropped as the CPS do not like prosecuting Mums. It is J's word against his mum. But Social Services described the incident as a vicious assault. However, and this is where it gets really sick, Social Services have now turned on my husband as they cannot understand why J might be anxious about seeing his mum. Having asked my husband to care for J, mum has denied the assault and gone back to her usual allegations of domestic violence. She is trying to get my husband declared an unfit father which will mean poor J goes into care. This is monstrous that she should be able to use public funds to make these groundless allegations and cause the children such harm. The Social worker has been qualified a year and is not very experienced. My ex-wife has told the social worker, obviously , that I am violent and have made J say these things about her. L is obviously now backing her up. The Social Worker now does not like my husband and is supporting mum, apparently she can forgive the assault and the abuse, but unfortunately J cannot just yet. The assault is not in doubt but even so, Social Services are against my husband and have recommended J be placed into care until a clearer picture can be obtained of what is going on. My husbands ex-wife is alleging, and the social worker agrees, that I am obstructing contact between J and his mum. But J is seeing his mum and has unrestricted phone access to her! It is L who has completly alienated not J. But no one cares that L is being abused. This is where we are. We do not know daily whether J will be put into care, or whether we will ever see L again. And all because the mum has abused the kids - it is so unfair. To add insult to injury, my husbands ex-wife is on legal aid and we have to pay, so far in 4 months it has cost us £6k. The previous proceedings 4 years ago cost us £5k. We are nearly broke.  (Last changed: February 26, 2006)

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Post # 0000045e
Strategically Speaking?
From: GADad
Remote Name: 66.249.42.34

Comments
My 17 year old has been subject to this form of abuse from her mother. I live in GA, the ex in PA. I have a 13 year old who is currently beginning to experience exactly what my 17 year old went through. The mind games. The rages against me, etc. We are court ordered to email each day and this has given me alot of good evidence, but I feel I need more in order to pursue custody. I went for custody before but without my then 12 year olds testimony it was a lost cause. She was and still is wishy washy about coming forward against her mother. She knows Mom will cut off all love if she does. Dad won't. I just don't know what to do now. Is there anyone who can tell me a good strategic move? I'm planning on having my younger daughter visit with a psychologist over visitation this summer...any recommendations? I live in Savannah. Thanks.  (Last changed: February 26, 2006 )

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Post # 0000050c
Re: Control and revenge long after the divorce is over
From: 
Remote Name: 64.12.117.8

Comments
dwayne, as a female who has an x like yours, the best thing you can do is let the children find out themselves what a controling bitch they have for a mother. my x husband does everything in his power to make my son hate me. and i refuse to return the same. and after a year and a half. he is the one suffering not me. stop allowing her to control your feelings. say enough is enough and tell the children this is the truth. either accept it or when you grow up and realize it to be true call me. then you will have the ultimate revenge on her.  (Last changed: February 26, 2006)

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Post #   0000055b
Re: Over two years since ANY contact allowed
From: 
Remote Name: 64.7.10.102

Comments
What part of Fla.? I find the courts there have destroyed too many families with their lack of proper decision making.  (Last changed: February 26, 2006)

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Post #  0000067f
A tip in finding justice with PAS...
From: lisacirig@yahoo.com
Remote Name: 141.158.222.198

Comments
As parents fighting for justice against PAS we feel very victimized.....the fact is though, it is the children that are being victimized. My ex is quite guilty of attempting to alienate me from my boys. Recently the county Jugde appointed an attorney to represent the boys. He will speak on their behave and make reccomdations to the court as to what he feels is in the best interest of the children. He assured me that what the children may verbalize is their wish, does not mean that he will agree that it is in their best interest. After a very long dificult road I feel as though an appropriate step has finally been taken. If the court appoints an attorney....in most cases the state or county will pick up the tab.....because lets face it, most cannot afford an attorney for themselves let alone a second for their children. Keep this in mind....if the attorney is doing his job....he will realize that it is very important for children to see both their mother and father...he too can help enforce visitation and help sort through the lies of the alienating parent. Good luck to all....this is certainly a worthy cause....keep the faith....stay strong and God willingly we will soon see changes in the system.   (Last changed: February 26, 2006)

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Post #  00000458
New
From: frustrated mom
Remote Name: 162.40.32.19

Comments
I have just read the alienation website. I meet the description of the alienated mom. Lots to my story. Not sure where to start. Daughter (almost 11 yrs), is "the soldier" her father has encouraged her behavior and has also put his view points into the matter. Unfortunately, the biggest issue is religion (I am one of Jehovah's Witnesses), other issues are I am "a poor person" "I don't know how to take care of [her]" ""You never do what I want to do" among other things. A court hearing just a month ago, magistrate said that this was not going to be litigated, and that mental health needed to be brought in. He said that it is very obvious that my daughter needs help to get through her issues. I am willing to get into counseling. I wasn't sure why I needed it. All I wanted was to see my daughter. After reading this sight, I have a different view. So much is involved, but I now believe that I have found a reason for some of the issues to my case. I will be following the advice here. THANK YOU!!!!!  (Last changed: February 26, 2006)

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Post #  00000473
My Point of View
From: Jen
Remote Name: 64.12.116.208

Comments
I am engaged to a wonderful man who has not so much raised his voice to me in 3 years. He has 2 children ages 14 and 17, whom he has not seen in 31/2 years. They seperated in February of 2001, because she threw him out in the middle of the night with no explaination. After two weeks she had another man living in the house they bought together. During this time, he paid ALL the bills from the mortgage down to the milk bill, on top of child support. When she decided the new flame burned out, she wanted him back, and when he refused, Things got really ugly. She refused visitation, had him in court every month, and filled the kid's heads with abuse and affairs. She tells them he doesn't pay support and we threw them out in the street, she doesn't tell them that it was because she didn't pay the bills that a judge ordered her out and we made up payments every month she lived here. She also doesn't tell them that no one had to twist her arm to be bought out. The kids are so far gone, they won't even look at their father. It sickens me and it hurts. I have tried everything to lighten the matter. I have been nothing but nice to the kids if I see thme at a store or something, even though they call me names and flip me off. My father is an alcoholic and has been since I was 14. I still love him. I still call and send him fathers day cards and birthday cards. I have gone through alot more than his kids and I often wish they could spend a day in an abusive home, they don't know how good they have it. They don't even live with their mother. They live with their grandparents, but the court doesn't want to hear it. They tell us to prove it. She collects their child support every month and tells them we don't give her any, while she reaps the benefits and still looks like the good guy. I don't care if the kids hate me, but it's their father I am worried about. I have watched him get his heart broken time and time again and its not fair. Who made her judge jury and executioner? The system views him as a pay check and he has been told so much. We are paying $350 a month for day care for the 17 year old. That is absurd, but the court didn't bat a lash. My fiance's brother committed suicide about 2 years ago because of the same thing. The mother of his child took him away and said he abused him. The courts let this happen with no evidence, just her word. I am writing this now, because I am very upset. Tonight at work, her new boyfriend came in and had my fiance's children with him. They treated him more like a father than they do their own and this is one man of many she has brought into thier lives in the past 3 years.They do this to rub it into their father's face. My fiance is to the point he has given up. We used to say someday when the kids realize..... But now, I think they have made a huge mistake. They are old enough to know better and have commented that the reason they don't associate with their father is because their mother gets mad, that's not an excuse any more. The sad part of the whole mess is the parent using this alienation doesn't realize, that just to be vendictive, the children and the other parent are losing in much bigger ways than they anticipated.   (Last changed: February 26, 2006)

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Post # 00000563
fathers rights
From: grandma
Remote Name: 64.12.116.208

Comments
it's the same way in NC. my son is a good father and the mother never came around for five months, not even her daughters 1st birthday, yet the judge said she would be better suited to raise my grandchildren. how can you get someone else to see this if you don't have loads of money?  (Last changed: February 26, 2006)

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Post #  00000492
Residential Parent (Dad) seeks help!
From: Stacy Alan
Remote Name: 24.208.147.181

Comments
I am the father of a 12 year old boy. He lives with me and my wife, we have been married for 10 years. My sons mother is fighting to regain custody. She has only in the past 2 years retained a place to live with her boyfriend. She has borderline personality disorder and does not work. She was a dancer in her previous line of work. I was only married to her briefly, she was manipulative and violent during our marriage. I was only 19 at the time and had decided her lifestyle was not the way I wanted to bring up my child. So I divorced her. My wife stays home with our other 2 children and is a good caretaker. My Ex hates the progress I have made in all aspects of my life. She belittles all I do for my son. She told him I do not love him and that he only lives with me for a "tax write off." Everyone knows that a tax write off for children does little in helping with the cost of raising a child. She has manipulated him into believing that I hate him and want nothing to do with him. I have tried everything I can to get him to understand that I love him and do everything within my power that he has every oppurtunity that I never had as a child. Education is a big thing with me his mother had him when he was in kindergarten and twice for first grade- he repeated the first grade twice because he missed 89 days in the first grade because she lived with four different men in that year. He didn't have his immunizations up to date to even be in kindergarten. After he moved in with me I had them updated. I am at my wits end. I spent $20,000 in the last court case. I can't afford to go through this again. My son says he loves me but wants to live with his mother. She is not a stable person, she has an extensive arrest record. She tried to have her records expunged but was denied by the courts. Her last stunt was to call childrens services on me, saying I abused my son. He had received one swat on the rear for lying(I have been arrested many times by her false aligations of abuse towards her) Childrens services closed the case and apologized saying she was obviously mentally disturbed. And that she had come into their building on three other occasions saying if he stayed with me I would kill my son. It got to the point that they (childrens services)told her she was on the verge of being banned from the building. I can't count the people that have been terrorized by her, she cut my mothers telephone lines to her house and one of the men she lived with filed a police report stating if his house burned down or if he ended up dead that she was the one they needed to look for. Her own mother has at times, banned her from her home. Every time I do anything for my son she finds fault with it. When I bought him a motorcycle for christmas she said, "Can't you see what he is doing? He's trying to buy you off, so you won't want to live with me." It didn't matter my other children already had their own bikes. I have never tried to stop her visitation. I have given her more time than is allowed in the court papers. Any extra time I give her is not recognized by her. She will stop at nothing until he lives with her and I believe that she would not even bother if I hadn't remarried. She thinks that I would have returned to her had I not remarried. It is not understandable to her that I just don't want to be with her. She told my son to help her regain custody to, "get into trouble, at home, school, everywhere." My answering machine picked up this conversation. My son is constantly getting into trouble. He lies, steals and refuses to do his homework without someone standing over him. Please help, this is making everyones lives miserable. I don't want my son to not see his mother but I see no other way to stop this constant brainwashing to get my son to turn against me. He told the psychiatrist at the last court hearing he wanted to live with his mother and wanted to see me after I "changed" but couldn't say what changes needed to be made. He said he was upset I made him wear a coat outside when it was cold and he could only stay out when it was cold out for an hour. He said when we went to the movies it irritated him that the whole family had to go and not just him and his father. My life and my childs are in a constant battle. If you can think of anything to help me ease the pain my son has to be going through I would really appreciate it.   (Last changed: February 26, 2006)

 

 

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