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Military Father Alienated from Daughter

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Original 
Post # 00000024
Story of Alienation
From: [removed]
Date: 7/2/00
Time: 11:05:13 PM
Remote Name: 205.188.193.53

Comments
Just wanted to add my story, in hopes that others out there might have some suggestions on how to proceed.

I married a woman in '89, due to her being pregnant. The marriage was difficult, and endured a lot of interference from my wife's mother. My ex and her mom were very close. My entering the picture was seen as intrusive. We had a little girl, now 11, but as the marriage wore on it was obvious my ex's mother was having a large influence on her, and my [now ex] wife and I eventually divorced in '92. 

I was given supervised visitation (I still don't know why), but it was complicated by my being 4 hrs away...so i drove the 4 hrs one way to get a 2 hr visit and drove 4 hrs back, every two weeks, for at least 6 months. Ex wife claimed she was afraid id take our daughter away (bull--i'm in the military, and at the time agreed to let her retain custody since i couldnt afford an apartment). At any rate, she would make excuses (daughter is sick, has party to go to, other obligations) and not allow me make up dates for visitation.

As time wore on, i met someone, married her, moved closer to my older daughter, then when i tried to get visitation again, was told i had to attend counseling since my daughter was afraid of me. Didnt argue, went ahead with it, and still had problems trying to get visitation (scheduling, ex being uncooperative with my limited availability, ex mominlaw still influencing, jealousy over new wife).

Meanwhile i was finally able to get visitatin AWAY from ex wife and eventually got unsupervised visitation at my house (1.5 hrs away now). This lasted 8 months, then I got [military] orders to Florida and wanted to talk to the ex about working out summer arrangements and christmas vacations. 

Then I got the kick to the stomach---my current wife and i were being accused of sexual abuse by my ex, and were not allowed to see my daughter. Had to go to court, was investigated by the State, military, and DHS--all eventually found us not guilty, but by then the psych dr. my daughter was seeing kept saying he believed we were innocent but in good faith couldn't recommend us to see her....then over time my ex stopped taking her to the doc..against the court agreement...have tried numerous times to get info from the doc, my attorney, the courts, all to no avail....in between all that ive sent letters to my daughter, which go unanswered,...send money for school, xmas, birthdays, no answer...no thank you , no nothing....

So im at the point where all i care about is paying the child support (ex tried to rake me on that too....DHS found i was clear again, had proof of all my payments)...now she plays the game where she refuses to pay all her medical bills that shes required, and i have to repeatedly pay her share in order to prevent the unpaid balances from going to collections...

This is getting frustrating but i am so used to it now I think ive gotten hardened by the entire process....all i want is to be able to talk to my daughter and would love to get just ONE letter from her, ANYTHING..that lets me know she is thinking of me....**sigh**
(Last changed: February 26, 2006)

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REPLIES:

Post # 00000047
Re: Story of Alienation
From: [removed]
Time: 4:21:19 PM
Remote Name: 206.130.179.60

Comments
steve: You have perservered up to this point were others might have given up. That shows what a incredible father you are. Keep going. Go to court yourself if you can't afford a lawyer...and who can. Your child has a right to you as her parent, you are fighting for your daugther's right. Keep that as your focus and persist. Your daughter will then know that you loved her and did everything in your power to be a part of her life. Keep on trying, you are among friends.
(Last changed: February 26, 2006 )

 

 

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