Posts from former Discussion pages 

Alienation by Mothers; Children with many "Step-Dads"

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Post #  00000499
Going through PAS with b/f's daughters
From: Sue
Remote Name: 128.38.190.79

Comments
It's a relief to know we are not the only ones going through PAS. My b/f of almost 3 years is being alienated from his 2 daughters by his wife. She refuses to sign any divorce papers b/c she knows we want to eventually get married. Yet she is engaged to a man she has only been dating for 4 months and continually tells the children will be their stepdad. This has been their 3rd "stepdad" in the last 3 yrs. Go figure!. His girls are 9 & 6 and are supposed to visit every other weekend. He did not see them for 2 months in March & April, b/c she claimed they didn't want to come & had "issues" w/us. Then they miraculously overcame their "issues" & started visiting again on Mother's Day weekend, as if nothing is wrong. We invited them to visit during the summer, so she advised us that they would be staying for 3 weeks, come back to her for a week & then return to us for another week. She agreed to pay for camp, but nothing more, so he still had to pay his child support, health insurance for them, horseback riding lessons for them & feed them while they were with us. About a week into the visit, she informs me that she was thinking about just letting them stay with us & go to camp the rest of the summer, b/c her job was sending her out of town during the week. Yet, the oldest daughter told us mommy's office was closing up at the end of June & she would be out of a job. I did everything for those kids that I do for my own 2 girls & she then sent me an e-mail giving me the third degree about how I showed favorites over her kids & wouldn't buy them things that they liked to eat. It is so frustrating! She tells them horrible things about their dad & I & my kid, so they won't want to visit us & it's getting old now. But it's comforting to know that we are not the only ones seeing this abusive kind of behavior!   (Last changed: February 26, 2006)

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REPLIES:

Post # 000004a4
Re: Going through PAS with b/f's daughters
From: ValGal
Remote Name: 67.171.149.190

Comments
Sounds like your b/f needs to get a really good parenting plan agreement in place, or modify his current one. Specifically, have it say "the children are NOT allowed to decide" when visitation will/will not take place. Otherwise she will continue to manipulate them and your family. Hard for me to know how it works where you live, but mediation might be a place to start. My experience is that unless you have an airtight ENFORCEABLE agreement, the alienator will continue this nonsense as long as she can get away with it. Better to suffer now and get that document in place than to suffer for years to come. If you don't go through a mediator or attorney, let me warn you that, with people like the ex, if there isn't "something in it" for her, she will never sign or cooperate. These people have no sense of fairness except when it comes to THEM. So look for the angle that will make her want to cooperate.  (Last changed: February 26, 2006 )

 

 

 

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