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Obsessed Alienator page 1

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Post #   0000047e
Amazed and inspired
From: Donna
Remote Name: 67.82.29.67

Comments
Although his divorce was "finalized" two weeks ago, my boyfriend and I are still in the midst of what I now know to be Parential Alienation which has waged for two plus years. His ex-wife is an Obsessed Alienator. She is angry, bitter, jealous and insecure. She constantly projects her negativity onto the children, including calling pur house to tell us how the children are crying and complaining about having to visit here and yet 10 minutes earlier, when their father dropped them off, those same children were happy, loving, hugging their father and asking do they have to go home yet and when can they see their dad again. She has refused him visitation. She has ignored the court order to have all the participate in overnight vistiation by saying, in front of them, they don't have to go if they don't want to. She accepts invitations for the children to parties with her family on our weekends and expects us not only to deliver them (we are not invited, but she is always there), but provide a gift as well. She has even gone as far as to have the children themselves call here and tell their father how they have no money, all the while hearing them mutter to her in the background through several false starts to the conversation and apologies that they "got it wrong". I would be curious to know if anyone out there in NJ has been able to successfully use PAS as a defense to have custody and parenting time reviewed and even changed as a result.   (Last changed: February 26, 2006)

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REPLIES:

Post # 0000047f
Re: Amazed and inspired
From: JZ
Remote Name: 64.75.190.54

Comments
In 1994 when my husband divorced his ex wife it started just as you are explaining it. It progressed to the point he moved away and stopped trying to see the kids thinking they would be better off than seeing the conflict she created. In 2000 the oldest asked to live with us. From there we successfully gained custody of the other two based soley on PAS. The obsessed alienator has continued to make contact, ignore court orders and call child protective services and make reports of child abuse. It has been a night mare. If the children you are talking about are under 12 to for custody immediately based on PAS. Ask for a psyche eval, a court advocate and a GAL. If the ex wife has personality disorders which I suspect are in most alienators, then she will not cooperate which is in your favor. it is expensive, but after custody is changed the change in child support orders will usually help off set the expensive,.Unless of course, like our alienator they quit their job. GO for it. Don't wait. JZ  (Last changed: February 26, 2006 )

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Post # 00000487
Re: Amazed and inspired
From: Bookgrl5df
Remote Name: 205.188.117.15

Comments
JZ: We've done the Eval., but i'm interested in the GAL. I would like to find a way to stop this madness (I'm sure now that it's BPD), and I would like to find a way to have he to stop hurting my stepson. Any other suggestions?  (Last changed: February 26, 2006)

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Post #  00000495
Re: Amazed and inspired
From: A Dad
Remote Name: 24.208.147.181

Comments
Why under the age of 12? I am currently going through a allocation of custody with my Ex. She has Borderline Personality Disorder and is working over my 12 year old to ask to live with her. ( My son lives with me and he has every other weekend visitation with her.) She tells him I don't love him and use him for a tax write off. I am going to bring up PAS in the next hearing. I can't tell you how much chaos she causes in my life. It's a never ending battle. She gives details of the court procedings to him and tells him lies about myself and family. She has entered him as a party in the next court case. So he can tell the judge he wants to live with her. She is an unfit parent (I don't say this just because I don't like her) and lives with her boyfriend. She has no job and uses every idea she can think of to cause conflict with my son towards me. I am so sick of the fights I almost gave up. I know this would be detrimental to my son, so I keep going. In one instance, My son was very upset (she works him up on a regular basis) She told him,"Don't worry, one day you'll be 18 and you can get as drunk as you want too and forget about everything." See what I am up against? Where would you want to live at 12? A place with rules or a place where you can do what you want, with no reprocusions? I also worry that the guy she lives with will get a backbone and kick her out. She has been homeless before and I don't want him to visit her under those cicumstances. Her own mother wouldn't let her stay with her before when she had no place to stay. Is parental alienation hard to prove after they reach 12? He can give no real reasons why he wants to live with her except he has more fun there. Thanks for any help you may have.  (Last changed: February 26, 2006)

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Post #  000004a6
Re: Amazed and inspired
From: ValGal
Remote Name: 67.171.149.190

Comments
Did you say COURT ORDER? If she is denying court-ordered visitation, a call to the sheriff's office should set her straight! I know where I live, law enforcement does get involved with this sort of thing. Don't let her get away with this, it only encourages her to try more BS in the future if she knows nothing will happen to her! Plus not a nice thing to be on her record, violation of a court order. Think about it...  (Last changed: February 26, 2006)

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Post #  000004b4
Re: Amazed and inspired
From: A DAD
Remote Name: 24.208.147.181

Comments
You can ask the court for a Gaurdian ad lidem they will come to your home and to the other parties home and asess the situation. They look out for the childs best interest. They are a court appointed attorney for the child. You must also understand that if the ex has a personality disorder they can be very convincing at playing the victim. They usually have had lots of contact with the law and know how to work the system to their advantage. Unless they are reckless, they are hard to prove that they are really the one causing the problem. Use caution.   (Last changed: February 26, 2006)

 

 

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