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Non-Custodial ex-husband is alienating (page 4)

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Post # 0000069a
Non-Custodial ex-husband is alienating
From: Feeling Hurt Mommy
Remote Name: 24.119.35.176

Comments
My ex-husband and I divorced in 2000. I tried for an amicable divorce. I gave him the house and took what would fit in a 5x8 trailer. Within 3 months of our divorce he took the kids on vacation. When I called, he said the kids didn't want to talk to me. I called again repeatedly, 2 days before he was suposed to bring them back. He told me that he was never bringing them back. We had never put the matter of child custody in our divorce. a half an hour after I hung up the phone (while begging, and crying to see my children), social services showed up at my door. My ex had made false accusations of abuse. Thank God a judge saw through this and court ordered him to return the children. I went through 6 weeks of an in-home investigation. My oldest son, who was 17 at the time, finally owned up to lying "my dad and I were just trying to scare her". My 6 year old told them that I didn't really hit him with a stick, but that daddy told him that social services would believe him. I thought this was in the past and that he wouldn't try this again. But over the years he has told some absolutely horrible lies about me to my children (ages 7, 10 and now 22). He has bought my oldest son 3 cars. My oldest son hates me. He says "I abused him every day in the 4th grade." This did NOT happen. He also stated that he found drugs in our home when he was living with me and had to flush them down the toilet. I can't believe how much he hates me. He and his girlfriend who have lived with me in the past ( he did move back home with me 3 times) just had a baby. My first grandchild. He was rude to me when I called the hospital. I asked him if he was mad at me. he said "what do you think?" I asked him why. he said "you don't know?" I said no, I didn't know why. He didn't want to talk about it. I just wanted to be happy for him and see my grandbaby. Since his dad has been brainwashing him, everything is gone. I am so sad. I wonder if I start sending him pictures of us doing things together if that will register any real memories with him. I can't afford to buy him any cars. Meanwhile, my then 6 year old piped up at dinner one night saying that when they turned 11 they were going to live with their father, because then they could decide who to live with. My 9 year old proceeded to hit him and choke him for telling, and "ruining everything". I had to pull him off. I decided that I wasn't going to let my ex do this to the kids anymore. So I filed for full custody. Just so they would know where they were going to be. I have had them in my home for the last 5 years, but I want it legal and on paper. My ex-husband is now retaliating. He is making false claims of abuse again (but not to CPS). This time to his lawyer. He told my 7 year old to tell the neighbor that I hit him with a wooden spoon. The neighbor then wrote a letter to my ex's attorney. I asked my son why he would say such a thing. He said his daddy told him that I did it. My ex has now been telling everyone that I abuse the children, am a drug addict, was a prostitute, etc. So, now I have been having to prove myself. I went and took a hair folicle drug test. That of course came back negative, it only goes back for 3 months. I wish it went back for years. I took both boys in for a full physical. I showed the doctor the false reports that were made earlier, my drug test. He wrote a letter to my lawyer on my behalf. I see my children's doctor about once a month. I am remarried and have 2 babies, so we have 4 children total at home. Friends of my children have written letters on my behalf. Now my ex husband has filed for an interim for full custody without a hearing. He has a transcript from a facility called rainbow bridge (it is a safe drop of for visitation facility). In it, they had made notes on how my oldest son was complaining that he didn't want to go home with me, and how he wished I wouldn't show up. This is suppose to prove that I abuse them. My doctor also referred my children to a Psychologist. The doctor I spoke with told me that it must be court ordered. I have faxed a letter to my attorney requesting a court ordered psychological evaluation. I don't know if I should trust a Judge to figure out that my ex husband it emotionally ruining our family. Is there any one out there who has been through this? ANY suggestions would be welcome! please reply to tammysmith@cableone.net   (Last changed: February 26, 2006)

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REPLIES:

Post # 0000069b
Re: Non-Custodial ex-husband is alienating
From: mtndad
Remote Name: 66.44.197.106

Comments
go to www.helpstoppas.com and tell your story. Their are some professionals that monitor that site regularly, plus some good advice from people that have been where you are now. In my prayers!  (Last changed: February 26, 2006 )

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Post # 0000069e
Re: Non-Custodial ex-husband is alienating
From: Cherie
Remote Name: 152.163.101.9

Comments
Dear Feeling Hurt Mommy, My situation is similar to yours. I have three children. Oldest son (now 18 in college) is completely alienated from me for past 4+ years. Younger two (now almost 16 and 13) are still very loyal to me. I was able to prevent them from becoming alienated but it has been a constant struggle. Ex never brought any type of charges against me (because he knew he couldn't prove any lies he could make up about me) but he still tries to alienate younger two from me by trying to convince them that I am a terrible person and am the cause of any and every problem that comes up. Fortunately, they now understand how their brother was brainwashed. I know for sure my 16 y/o daughter is immune to his alienating attempts but I still worry about my 13 y/o son who is very sensitive and currently being treated for depression (go figure!). The constant pressure their dad puts them under and the going back and forth (1/3 of year with dad) is taking it's toll on them and me! I have finally come to terms with the fact that I have probably lost my oldest child forever but instead of looking at it as "losing one of my children", I prefer to look at it as "saving two of my children". If I had lost all three to this horrible syndrome I know I would not be here today. My heart goes out to you. Wish I could provide more specific advice but please know that others share your pain and frustration. Keep up the fight for your younger ones. It is tough but you really don't have a choice. And if you have any contact at all with your oldest then maybe there is still hope. Cherie "We must embrace pain and burn it as fuel for our journey." ~Kenji Miyazawa  (Last changed: February 26, 2006)

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Post # 0000069f
Re: Non-Custodial ex-husband is alienating
From: Feeling Hurt Mommy
Remote Name: 24.119.35.176

Comments
Thank you for the time you took to write, and your empathy. I am desperately trying to save my younger boys. I always wanted one big happy family. It pains me to think that one of my children have absolutely no respect for me. I have been recording some of the conversations. On one occasion last summer he had taken the boys on a vacation. I gave them a calling card. They hadn't called me once in 2 weeks. He was supposed to be staying with his parents. When I dialed the number it had been disconnected. I panicked, then through the internet found where they had moved to. I called them. Later in a phone conversation my 10 yr old was telling his dad that I had no right calling them. His dad agreed with him, and told him that I shouldn't of done that. Hopefully some of this will make a difference to a judge.  (Last changed: February 26, 2006)

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Post # 0000070e
Re: Non-Custodial ex-husband is alienating
From: Van C. Sher
Remote Name: 68.80.253.177

Comments
Do you really have choices? Get right to the courtroom and get answers. The stress of swaying in all directions will beat you up!   (Last changed: February 26, 2006)

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Post #  00000876 
Re: Non-Custodial ex-husband is alienating
From: ssh77803@aol.com
Remote Name: 207.200.116.196

Comments
this was enlightning......i was looking for any info on the test.... going to have to try and get judge to force almost X to take one. i know he hasnt been clean for all the time we've been split up....is there an agency to call or someone that gives info on the testing? i thought it would show anything, from even yrs past.......let me know ... and good luck.  (Last changed: February 26, 2006)

 

 

 

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