Posts from former Discussion pages 

PAS, Shame, Court Evaluators

NOTE: These posts are presented 'as is' as the poster wrote, with no editing.  The poster's ISP address is included as it was required to create the original post.

 

Post # 0000059c
PAS
From: planetaryg@yahoo.com
Remote Name: 4.131.123.108

Comments
Any of you who need discussion about Shame, or PAS I have been through this for a long time. Both my parents were shamed and I was attracted to women that carry shame from their childhood homes. My story over my daughter reads like a holy war. Thank God for this web site. You folks might want to read work by Richard Gardner, who just died last year about this time. I cired when he did. He was with those of us who are abused by these dysfunctions and where the courts and their players do not have the foggiest ideas what they are doing. Read When Scoiety Becomes an Addict, Anne Wilson Schaef, Harper an Row, 1986, too or SHAME , Gershen Kaufman.    (Last changed: February 26, 2006)

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REPLIES:

Post # 000005ef
Re: PAS
From: Mom who lost daughters
Remote Name: 150.142.233.137

Comments
in response to your post, i too willingly gave my ex my girls who during the early stages of alienation refused to listen to whatever i said, so i let them go live with their father. Well now its out of control, after several court hearings and counceling between my younger daughter and I , nothing seems to work, big problem, and judges don't want to hear until its too late; meaning that when children become deliquent as a result of severe alienation. Support groups and sites such as this one are the parents only therapy, we need to relate to one and other through such sadness and pain that i can even begin to describe. Please do whatever you can afford to do to save your children..for you may NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN...IM CRYING AS I WRITE THIS BECAUSE I HAVE NOT SEEN OR EVEN BEEN ABLE TO TALK TO MY GIRLS AT ALL....ALL I HAVE LEFT IS THEIR PICTURES AND HAPPY MEMORIES...IT FEELS LIKE DEATH.  (Last changed: February 26, 2006 )

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Post # 000005f7
Re: PAS
From: Mom who lost son
Remote Name: 205.188.117.9

Comments
Knowing that other moms have also lost children (from alienation by fathers) sometimes helps us to know we are not alone but it only helps a little. I believe that this is the worst kind of loss that exists in this world. Often we feel like there is no way we can survive the torture. We all feel hopeless at times (because often it IS hopeless). Your posts compell me to urge you to seek counseling. A good therapist can help you learn ways to manage your grief. Also, anti-depressants can't bring our children back to us but(if deemed appropriate by a doctor)they can make us just a little bit stronger and maybe help us to see that although being a mother is the core of our being that there is actually more to us than being a mother and we need to explore this. Perhaps we can use our strong maternal gift to help others in this world and in the process heal ourselves a bit. Of Course we never give up hope that our children will come back to us but if the alienation is severe, we know not to have unrealistic expectations. Hope this helps...  (Last changed: February 26, 2006)

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Post # 00000686
Re: PAS
From: annaten4@earthlink.net
Remote Name: 4.250.6.196

Comments
please dont give up one day they will come to you and you have to believe that .I too am going through the same horriblr nightmare you are going through I feel your pain and cried at for your pain. I lost custody of my 3 children Read children hate their mother !!! that was my friend nancy that wrote in for me . And you want to know what is so ironic is I supported my 3 kids for 3 yrs without proper child support because he didnt work for that amount of time . i also had them in couseling for 4 yrs and he was fighting me on that and he still got custody of the children. learn about PAS a website that has cleared some of the fog is www.breakthroughparenting.com and reading dr. grandners article on PAS good luck and e-mail me if you need support
(Last changed: February 26, 2006)

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Post # 000005ec
PAS
From: lisacirig@yahoo.com
Remote Name: 207.68.118.67

Comments
I was so pleased to have found this discussion page. My ex husband has made every attempt to alienate my two boys from me. I felt so alone and victimized. It was comforting to know that I am not the only one who has experienced such pain over this. I can so clearly relate to so many of your stories. I willingly allowed my boys to go live with their father and since then he does not allow me to see them. We have another hearing in about one month. The courts cannot allow people to get away with this. I never give up, stay strong, document everything and keep the faith. Stay strong too. Anyone need to chat...lisacirig@yahoo.com   (Last changed: February 26, 2006)

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Related posts...

Post #  00000509
Re: My own story of PAS
From: andthenwhat47@hotmail.com
Remote Name: 24.0.254.94

Comments
So Christine, read your post regarding your attorney and getting custody of your daughter. How has it worked out for you? Is your attorney all that you asked for? Is your daughter with you?    (Last changed: February 26, 2006)

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Post #  0000049f
Re: Bringing the PAS subject up.
From: mjmiller@nabbnet.com
Remote Name: 63.161.2.60

Comments
There are custody evaluators that specialize in PAS. If you don't know if the evaluator is one of these you most certainly should bring up the subject now. Upon evaluating each family member the evaluator may well be aware of the PAS going on from the responses from the children. My daughter wanted to live with her father after his long verbal abuse of me and I had an evaluator that had some knowledge of PAS and gave us joint custody as the evaluator did know that I may very well lose my 13 year old daughter if she lived with her father fulltime as I had lost my son, now 19, for that reason. I felt if the evaluator had had more expertise and interest in PAS my ex would have still only his weekends as previously. Please elaborate on your concerns with examples, etc. of PAS to the evaluator and your attorney. Good Luck. PAS is terribly frustrating and hurtful so learn about it and fight it with all your might and continue to do things for the children even though there may be rejection - I always say, "what comes around goes around" and these PAS creeps won't get away with what they do forever.  (Last changed: February 26, 2006)

 

 

 

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