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How Much to Put up With

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Post #  0000068e
How Much Do I Put Up With
From: Small Town Tennessee
Remote Name: 65.4.199.16

Comments
I married my husband in 2000, he had custody of his eldest son and the ex-wife had custody of the youngest, when I met him. I also have a daughter. My husband paid his child support as ordered and we hardly ever spoke to the ex-wife. She got her money and a baby sister when ever she needed and was happy with that. He spoke to his attorney in small town tennessee, who advised him that because he had custody of one and she the other that neither him or her should have to pay child support. So procedings starting, it took more than 2 years to get answers back from her. About five months before my husbands eldest son's 12th birthday (the one he has custody of), the ex-wife starts calling the house every other day wanting to speak with the eldest son. This never happened before and we thought that she was just trying to start having a closer relationship with him because she was the one that gave him up. He would get off the phone crying and wouldn't say why, he became very distanced from us. Then two weeks before his 12th birthday he doesn't get off the bus from school, we in a crazed panic looking for him, call the police only to find out that his mother picked him up from school. The police then give my husband an affidavit stating that he was being abused verbally by his father and myself and that he couldn't not see his father for a month and that he wanted to live with his mother. Mind you, the youngest still came every other weekend. Needless to say, we were going to court to stop child support and getting no-where, now we are going to court because she wanted it all and it all went through in 10 days. Now that she has her own way, the eldest son has told us that his mother told him to make the abuse statement so he could live with her quickly and that she needed the money. Every other day we get terrible phone calls (which I do record), his kids are being brain washed to hate him and because he pays so much child support he is financially suffering and cannot take them out like he used to. They get told his a dead beat dad by the ex-wife and the boys now call him that too. They tell me to F@#* off and you can't tell me what to do because my mother will have you put in jail. Needless to say, my daughter see's this too and asks me to just get a divorse and get away from the situation. Does it get any better.   (Last changed: February 26, 2006)

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REPLIES:

Post # 0000068f
Re: How Much Do I Put Up With
From: A Sympathetic Father
Remote Name: 66.44.197.106

Comments
While I'm not a mental health professional, your situation sounds like a classic case of PAS. You might find some helpful information at www.helpstoppas.com. Get involved in the discussion forums there. I believe there is at least one stepmother from Tennessee who visits the sight regularly. She might have some insight from the legal battles she and her husband have been struggling with. Stay strong. You're in my prayers.  (Last changed: February 26, 2006 )

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Post # 0000075a
Re: How Much Do I Put Up With
From: Debbie Reid RN
Remote Name: 142.68.207.137

Comments
your article was very interesting as my new husband is going through a similar incident with his ex. His son, 18, recently moved in with us..he is here almost a year now. He also has two daughters, 21 and 12 the 21 year old has been living independently for the past year with her boyfriend and is attending university. His 12 year old is living with the ex. My hubby went to a lawyer to have the child support changed and since then the nightmare has ensued. For some reason she feels that she is exempt from paying for her son...and has thus far not returned the payments that were made to her for her son. My hubby is having his wages garnished and they continue to send her payments for three children. She has never encouraged the youngest to visit with her father, and he has an agreement to receive her every second weekend, however he may see her max five times a year. The oldest has not spoken to her father since he began proceedings to have the support changed. Our problem is lately the ex has been phoning her son and picking him up on weekends buying him things, etc. in what i suspect as an attempt to win him over. When she went to the concilliator few months back to deny the variance in child support she had him sign a document stating that she was indeed paying him child support...he suggested to us he didn't know what he was doing... however she encouraged her child to like. This has not made it to court and at this point my hubby and i are very frustrated.  This child seems to be under considerable stress, and at this point i really don't trust him. This has been placing a great deal of strain on our relationship.I am a psychiatric nurse and up till now have never heard of PAS. From this information I would definitely say this describes our case. However in Canada I don't know if it will do me any good. I am hoping with my knowledge and background that i now have some extra leveredge in this case.  And will be asking for a psychiatric evaluation for both his mother and himself.  The only thing I can tell u is to get in touch with a mental health professional in your area because from reading your article u are definitely suffering because of someone's mental capacity...this WILL affect your children..they are learning to handle life's situations by imitating what they see.  I plan to research this syndrome further and will pass it on to the lawyers. Good luck to you and I hope your situation changes.  
(Last changed: February 26, 2006)

 

 

 

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