Posts from former Discussion pages 

Ex's and Ex-spouses Who Invade Each Other's Privacy

NOTE: All posts are presented 'as is' as the poster wrote it originally, with no editing of the content except for last names and E-Mail addresses.  The poster's ISP address is included as it was required to create the original post. 

 

Post # 000004ab
Topic: ex wife at our home
From: Am I nuts?
Remote Name: 64.252.73.253

Comments
My fiance wants his exwife to come over and see where the kid stay on the weekends. I have been living in this apt for 10 yr he has moved in 2 and 1\2 years ago. The kids have been staying with us. When the kids are over he sleeps on the sofa in the living room. I do not see why this is neccary. The only time I have been to her hous is when I went to drop off the kids and they wanted me to se the house they moved into. She said if you want you can come in. Well I did not want to disapionted the kids so I came in.They wanted be to go up stairs I did not fell that was a good idea since her bed room is upstairs and I feel Private and Iknow they would have shown mwe that too.  (Last changed: February 26, 2006)

AND...
000004ac 
ex wife at our home
From: Need Help
Remote Name: 64.252.73.253

Comments
Some back ground. My fiance and I were friends first (only Friends) for 15 or more years. I actually went to his wedding and was a friend for him through the divorce. She is not a nice person. I will just say that. Now my fiance wants his exwife to come over and see where the kid stay on the weekends and come over durring the week. I have been living in this apt for 10 yr he has moved in 2 and 1\2 years ago.The kids have been staying with us.When the kids are over he sleeps on the sofa in the living room. I do not see why this is neccary for her to come to our place. The only time I have been to her hous is when I went to drop off the kids and they wanted me to se the house they moved into. She said if you want you can come in. Well I did not want to disapionted the kids so I came in.They wanted be to go up stairs I did not fell that was a good idea since her bed room is upstairs and I feel Private and I know they would have shown me that too. I realy do not want her over. She has told me she wants me to go to the kids play and soforth but when I do go she is cold and literally but her back to me. I love the kids and know matter how she is with me.I will go for them. and I always say how great there Mom is. Need Help In CT!!  (Last changed: February 26, 2006 )

***

 

REPLIES:

Post # 000004ad
Re: ex wife at our home
From: ValGal
Remote Name: 67.171.149.190

Comments
I would say, if she wants to see where the kids are on weekends, then it would be courteous to show her. I know I would want to know where my child is, but I wouldn't make a federal case out of it, either, if I could not do this in a manner that would avoid conflict. But I would start to wonder if I asked to know where they lived and was not told! It doesn't sound like this request by mom is anything out of the ordinary, as long as you are BOTH (you and your fiancee) present when mom is there and the visit is kept brief. Mom needs to respect boundaries, though!...my husband's ex came UPSTAIRS into my brand-new house while I was in the shower (one of the kids invited her in) and she was going through their stuff...and when I met the mini-blinds person at the front door (who I had an appointment with) a few minutes later, she STAYED upstairs until I finally said "what are you DOING up there?!" She knew I had the appointment before she came over, I think she was using the opportunity to snoop around while I was downstairs!!! Now THAT is a case of someone who doesn't respect (or acknowledge) OUR bounderies. Hopefully the mom in your case isn't that pitiful. 
(Last changed: February 26, 2006 )

***

Post # 000004af
Re: ex wife at our home
From: Need help
Remote Name: 64.252.73.253

Comments
Thank you ValGal! I next time she is in the area or may be I should set up a time for her to come see our apt. It is hard sometimes to be objective, since I just do not like her. The items in our apt make it seem like we have more money than we do. They are things that I have collected since I was a kid or got at tage sales. None of the antques are my fiances and I have had before we were dating. I am afraid she may want to ask for more money. We do not have it to give. I do not trust her. Oh she does know where we live by the address but has not been over. We go and get the kids. I also worry that she would just stop over when ever she feels like it( she is the type). Once in a great while we just and a weekend to be just us. I can see her checking to see if we are away or not. Then asking us to take the kids more since we did not go away or cause a fuss. We have them Fri pick up time changes range 12-6 to Sat. night drop off at 8:30 home by 9:15. 3 to 4 days a week we have them usually untill 6:00.Mind you I love the kids. But the point is she might snoop If he say he has to work when he just wants to be with me. We take them a full weekend when ever she wants some free time. I am sorry I am all over the place! This is the first time I have been able to discus this with someone that might be in the same boat as I am. Thank you, Need help!  (Last changed: February 26, 2006)

***

Post # 000004b0
Re: ex wife at our home
From: ValGal
Remote Name: 67.171.149.190

Comments
I know what you mean, my husband's ex seems to eyeball our place and "notices" everything new we get. Yeah, well, we both work full-time (she's been fired from 5 jobs in 5 years), but she has a way of making me feel defensive when she "notices" things. I guess she can't stand it that, since she kicked her ex-hubby to the curb and he's doing well now without her, I guess she thinks she deserves a piece of the pie -- none of which would go for the kids -- never has, never will. We have the kids most of the time and pay for everything. So that's why I don't like her to come over, plus we can't get rid of her when she does!  (Last changed: February 26, 2006)

***

Post # 000004fc
Re: ex wife at our home
From: MadMomInCanada
Remote Name: 156.34.35.3

Comments
Hello there. I think there is a possibility for you and this lady to have a great relationship. You don't really know how lucky you are in some ways. My husband's ex wife and I are great friends now and it is much better for the kids. It is nice that we can discuss any issues about the kids and laugh and carry on. The kids love the fact that when we are out, the introduce us as "this is my mom and this is my step mom". They think it is funny when people are astonished. To us it is just normal. Don't throw away the chance to have a great friend or to give the kids the security of knowing there is an extended family who all care about each other.  (Last changed: February 26, 2006)

***

Post # 000004bb
Re: ex wife at our home
From: Need Help.
Remote Name: 64.252.67.184

Comments
Dear Valgal Now I really do no want her to come over. I just do not see why it is necessary. I just saw her yesterday when we dropped one of the kids off to camp. She did not want to ride in the car with us. She did not want me to come because “I have not been picking up the phone when she calls”. In addition, does not think we as friendly. (I do not want to be her friend but I am always friendly to her.) I just had back surgery .It is hard for me to get the telephone. Sometimes I am not home and she is not calling to talk to me so why should I get it!!! On top of all that she has mood swings some times she calls and wants to talk forever…and others times she will not even say hi “I called to talk to my ex.” Talk about being self-absorbed! The first thing I said to her was she should come with us since I have not spoken to her in so long. She just She hugged me (as always and just said No). I tired to have some friendly conversation but was only answered with short and very unfriendly tone. I think that if the kids were not around she would not have answered at all. As I have said before I just do not like her but I try to be as nice to her as I would anyone. To be honest I think she just wanted to be alone with the ex…. My husband! I think she is jealous. Who knows? Whatever her reason her behavior was unexcitable and nor I really do not what her on our home! Best regards, Need help!   (Last changed: February 26, 2006 )

 

 

END OF THIS TOPIC.

 

 

 

RETURN TO CATEGORY INDEX

 

RETURN TO HOME PAGE OF PARENTAL ALIENATION WEB SITE

 

Disclaimer: PsyCare Inc. and Dr. Douglas Darnall, Ph.D. assumes no responsibility for the views expressed in any posting.  When posting on any public forum, users should be aware that User Names and E-mails addresses which the poster included were/have been archived by sources which compile almost all Internet websites into an archives. Since these posts in their original forum  were / have been online since 2006, there is no way to remove content because almost all Internet Websites are "archived" and therefore, the content with the identifiable information will remain in the Internet Archives even if completely removed from these pages.  Internet Archiving is not under the control of PsyCare, Inc., its owner, or employees.