Posts from former Discussion pages 

Step-Mothers Give and Get Advice

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Post #  0000054c
Being a step mom
From: lonerangersrchick@yahoo.com
Remote Name: 206.186.115.61

Comments
I have been a step mom for 26 years and the best advice I can give is just be yourself. Children get upset, well so do we. When I met my husband his daughters were two and three, they are now 28 and 26 and I have a Mom charm from the youngest one so we HAVE came along way. You really do grow with your children so relax, go with the flow and you will learn. I didn't do everything right, but obviously I didn't do everything wrong either. The mom of the girls was a different story, it took me about 5 yrs to adjust to that. But I did and she now agrees WE all raised the girls. I have lots more stories about different occasions, feel free to email me, code word, pizon, if you do not use that word i will not open it. Sorry to many viruses.  (Last changed: February 26, 2006)

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REPLIES:

Post # 00000ac9
Re: being a stepmother
From: ghie
Remote Name: 24.127.33.135

Comments
me too im in this situation that im already giving up because no matter how i love and care for them i don't think they stiil want me to be their mother...im so hurt and jealous about their mother that never took care of them.. i work for them too i give my everything i treated them like my own kids and guess what i got 3... stepkids i have no children of my own hard huh... im young and beautiful and professional but i stick with this guy who's much older than me and with full package and im now miserable i don't know what to do... i love them but i need to do something for myself i guess... love my self first before i love fgain  (Last changed: February 26, 2006 )

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Post # 000005ac
Re: being a stepmother
From: hey sweetie..
Remote Name: 216.136.126.13

Comments
I am not sure in what way to help you. I am gonna be a new step mother myself.. my fiance and I are gonna get married soon...and i dont have any kids...maybe we can help each other out as each step comes along?  (Last changed: February 26, 2006)

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Post # 000005c6
Re: being a stepmother
From: kwilsonfarms@netzero.net
Remote Name: 64.136.27.229

Comments
I am a stepmother also. My husband and I have 2 children together, but he already had a little girl, who is now 8 years old. At first, she was really jealous of the time and attention that her daddy gave me, but she soon got over that. Like you, her mother does not like me either. She had begged my husband to take her back, but he did not want to because she had had an affair, and that caused him to lose all love and trust for her. Now, she is trying to come between my husband and me, and using her daughter to do it. I love my stepdaughter as much as I can without her being my own and I want the best for her. However, it seems like whenever she is with us, she brings problems with her. She is developing a very smart attitude and leaves her room and the rest of the house a mess. She backtalks her daddy and has little respect or apprectation for anyone or anything that is a constant in her life. The issue that I have, is not wanting my children growing up thinking that it is alright to be lazy, irresponsible, and rude. My husband corrects her when he absolutely has to, but he doesn't as much as he should because he says that she's with him so little, he doesn't want to spend what little time he has with her constantly correcting her. As her stepmother, I don't know when I should step in and correct her and when I should just keep my mouth shut. And has for her mother -- well, let's just say that she is VERY manipulative and I can see already that my step daughter is going to be the same way. She plays her my husband like a fiddle and he falls for it every time. Any advice??? Signed, VERY FRUSTRATED   (Last changed: February 26, 2006)

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Post # 000007c7
Re: being a stepmother
From: imhurtreallyhurt
Remote Name: 65.189.36.60

Comments
I have no children, and at this point with all the problems ive had i dont really think i ever will.My husband obtained full custody of his son when i met him. Our son had no medical records, he literally had to start all over in shots. The only paper work we could find on him was from his birth and an injury he recieved when he was about two years old. He had problems with colors and with reading and many other things. I ahve persevered through all of this and now its like I've done nothing. His mother shows up every couple of months or every couple of years. I know that children love their parents unconditionally but now that my son is seeing his biological mother his behavior is outrageous and erractic, my husband doesnt seem to notice and is keeping me out of the loop in any decisions he makes. I have no idea why. Its almost as if I dont count and he is trying to keep peace with a woman who has had nothing to do with his up bringing. I am loving and giving to him (our son) with all my heart and soul and I feel spat upon by both of them -- i almost want to quit. I just keep praying and keep raising him as if he were my biological child. While my husband still walks around like nothings wrong. I have no problem with him being or seeing his mother -- I do have a problem with my husband not making her accountable for her absence. She can come in and disrupt my life, whe ever she wants --I guess my husband is used to it. I spoken to him over and over again about this. I have yet to get an answer. Do you think Im overreaccting or do i have a legitimate reason for being upset. Do you have any advice or comments.
 (Last changed: February 26, 2006)

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Post # 000007fc
Re: being a stepmother
From: jezz141sdcva@yahoo.com
Remote Name: 69.111.208.118

Comments
Wow! your story is almost just like mine! I cant really believe that someone is in my shoes. I just want to encourage you to stay strong! Pray everyday! Your strength will be in God! I married a man with 2 kids and I have none. It is so hard for me. Please dont feel alone talk to some   (Last changed: February 26, 2006)

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Post #  0000087f
Re: being a stepmother
From: brandibonds@hotmail.com
Remote Name: 151.199.46.97

Comments
I would say keep it up! You are doing what is in the best interest in your son, and unfortunately for you, his seeing and knowing his biological mother is in his best interest. As he grows he will know that you were the one that "raised and nurtured" him. Keep up the good work. 
(Last changed: February 26, 2006)

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Post # 00000500
Re: being a stepmother
From: Turnmire@skybest.com
Remote Name: 207.144.98.254

Comments
Hey, i am sorry to hear about your situation. I really don't know if things will get better. I have a twelve year old stepson. I have been his stepmom for six years now. We started off the same way. It was perfect, and then his mother started with the lies and hateful comments. I have given that boy my entire heart and soul. He also has two half sisters 3 and 1. I just found out that he doesn't even consider us family now and he completely hates me. All I can tell you is to pray and I hope you are a patient woman. Good luck.  (Last changed: February 26, 2006)

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Related posting...

Post # 00000464
A few questions...
From: mommy_s
Remote Name: 24.237.139.27

Comments
I am a step-mother to a 3 1/2 year old boy. When I first started dating his father (now my husband), he was only 5 1/2 months. His biological mother was always out at the bars and basically abandoned him by the time he was 7 months old. She stopped seeing him or calling to check on him. For 2002 she only saw him 3 times. If you were to combine the amount of time she has spent with him in the past 3 years, you might come close to a total of one month- MAX. Since last year she has started seeing him again but she seems dumbfounded by his lack of parental bond with her. He calls her by her first name rather than 'mother' or 'mommy', which greatly upsets her. Escpecially since my stepson has called me 'mommy' since he was 10 months old (he was not made to do it as she believes). She consistantly blames me and my husband for the fact she doesn't have a relationship with her child. We have never withheld visitation from her or spoken badly about her in his presence. But, my step-son displays a great dis-like for her. At times you would think he hated her. When she calls he absolutely refuses to talk to her (crys, screams "I no want too!"). When he does see her he acts nothing like he does with us. He's very rude to her and often yells demands at her (she never scolds him for this and acts like she doesn't care). To further add to the problem is that my stepson has Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorder (FASD), which his mother refuses to accept. Could he also have PAS? Is there anything my husband and I can do? Could the fact she wasn't around for so long when he was so young be (as we believe) the major reason for this behavior? Mommy _ S <joy_jinks@hotmail.com>
(Last changed: February 26, 2006)

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Related posting...

Post # 0000055a
Re: Pas to step parent and dad
From: Mugwa
Remote Name: 203.45.112.248

Comments
Hi there - there is a website for second wives where you will receive understanding and support from other stepmothers who are experiencing the same problems. It's www.secondwivescafe.com - a great place to vent, gain insight and even some ideas. There is a board dedicated to PAS (please excuse the liberal use of the term PAS) on the site and there are many helpful links which SMs have discovered - no matter where the alienation is at. I'd suggest borrowing a book by Dr Warshak called "Divorce Poison" and make notes on strategies recommended in his book. Both for regaining contact and also for dealing with the emotions of losing contact. I'm halfway through reading "Divorce Casualties" by Dr Darnall. I think he needs to write another book though - I'm finding that sometimes he isn't quite on the mark with some of the behaviour by both the alienating and the targeted parent. But that's something I want to email him about though. I hope you do see this and visit secondwivescafe - it is probably one of the most supportive environments you could hope to find on the internet. (Last changed: February 26, 2006)

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Related posting...

Post # 00000530
Re: Not so evil stepmothers
From: johnny onassis
Remote Name: 152.163.101.8

Comments
yes i completely agree with what you are saying about punishment being more strict but i beleive that that fact (or theory) should be taken to a higher to degree. At least for my situation. I have a stepmother that would make me seem like a murderer for exoperminting with marijuana(like most kids do). And its not my fault that she found out i did. She went out of her way and went into my room (my area of privacy) to find something she could make me look bad with and what did she find...pot seeds. Nest thing i know my fatheris under the influence thati grow pot ad have plants located somewhere in the backyard. I had none of this i simply had seeds that where left over from a bag of pot in my closet. Then all the sudden my father beleives i belong in rehab with crack addicts and heroin addicts. im then thrown into rehab and taken away fom my education. Did i really belong there. You know what f it thank you so much for your site it has brought much clarity to me and my situation i have gone through. Most step parents are nice and not that bad but the one i had seemed to be out for more then be apart of my family  (Last changed: February 26, 2006)

 

 

 

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